Deer Park Monastery, Escondido, CA

I don’t think I would have a problem with the community aspect of this monastery. I don’t think I would have a problem with the conformity aspect of this monastery. I think the problem I would have is keeping up my guard in respect to the community and conformity aspects of this monastery. In any community I join, I would insist on keeping my own views and interpretations.

It strikes me as eerie when I listen to one of the monks repeating the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh to a layperson or a guest. It’s like someone placed these ideas in their heads, and given the right trigger, they start spouting the teaching with very little variation or personal input, interpretation, or expression. The cultometer starts reacting whenever I hear, “Our teacher says…”.

Hm, I feel I’m being legitimately critical about this, but I also think negativity is seeping into the observation.

I think I’m right about this in general – that’s the critical part. But I think I have specific people in mind when I say all this – that’s the negative part. I have to separate the critical part from the negative part, even though it was things people said that sparked the critical part. That’s hard, but I think it’s possible. I think the thought is right, but the feeling is wrong.

It’s the difference between being critical and criticizing, and I don’t want to criticize people. But what if I can’t express something critical without the background or context which is criticizing?

What I mean is that I don’t mind becoming part of the community-body as long as that doesn’t mean losing my individuality or being expected to think how everyone else thinks, or to expound on the teacher’s teachings only as he intended them. I don’t ever want to repeat anything I like of what Thich Nhat Hanh has said just for the sake of it. I’d only do it if I can offer what it means to me, as if it was coming from me. Otherwise, they can just go read his books or buy his CD/DVDs.

I am sure, though, that lots of time my interpretation deviates from the intended teaching. Then what?