"And I will get him back even as he gloats
In the meantime I'll practice on less honourable throats"

Blast from my past recently. So far in the past that it wasn't even registering that this had meant something, yo. After years of waiting, even sending an email through Amazon to the powers-that-be to support its DVD release, they finally released the 1982 production of Sweeney Todd - The Demon Barber of Fleet Street on DVD. I even submitted my only Amazon review for it (my work email indicates I was wasting company time).

It was released Tuesday of last week, I ordered it Tuesday of last week, and it got here on Friday. I watched it Friday evening, and since then I've been watching portions of it over and over again. It is a dark production of a dark subject matter with a complexity and depth that only Stephen Sondheim could have pulled off as musical theater entertainment. Yes, this is musical theater, but without the singing and dancing. Singing and killing is more like it. Yea. Tale of corruption, revenge, and serial killing. Oh yea.

I guess I should leave it at that. It's a niche market. It's mostly musical theater buffs that would have seen this. It's not the sort of thing that parents and people would get concerned about if they see a kid obsessing over it. But, "At last my arm is complete again!", "Not one man, no, not ten men, not a hundred can assuage me", and the last shot of the show never fails to send a shiver down my spine.

My only criticism of the DVD release is that they inexplicably removed the audience noise! Why?! Stupid! Idiotas! There is so much in hearing how the audience reacts, and there are portions where Angela Lansbury is clearly reacting to the audience reaction and you don't get that if you remove the audience noise. Dumkopfs! It's still a great performance, but it has a sterile feel to it without that live interaction.

And to qualify for free shipping, I also got the also-long-awaited DVD release of Genesis - Live at Wembley Stadium. I actually wasn't waiting for this release, I have it on video and I've been a Genesis fan for so long that the DVD release didn't make huge ripples. The video was recorded in such high definition that the DVD isn't a huge leap in quality, but damn, this is when they were still a smoking live band. They even made the "Invisible Touch" material bearable. And this is why Phil Collins is my all-time fave drummer. He screws up his first "solo" in the drum duet, and then after Chester Thompson's rips his solo, he comes back with a lick that I can't figure out how he's doing that, even being able to watch it!

Resting.

Wonky weather. We had two weeks of 80 degree weather in March, a spell of normal chilly Bay Area weather, and this past week has just been gloriously pretty really nice. I think if I lived in a place that got hot weather, I could fall in love again. Literally, as in romantically, not metaphorically. As it is, I'm just not interested. Not worth the effort in this chilly, foggy, depressing city.

But ups and downs. The SF Int'l Film Festival ends today and I saw my last film on Monday, Three Step Dancing from Sardinia. I'm not sure I agree with the catalog description. I didn't view it so literally as a tradition/modernity struggle, but saw it more as a life cycle thing with childhood, youth (love), adult (marriage), and old age and death. I wish I had seen more non-Asian films, especially since the Asian American Film Festival in March features more Asian films than Asian American films anyway. But I gravitate towards them because I have a sense for them, and can read a description and have an idea if I'll like it or not. With films from the Middle East, Africa, and South America, there's a much higher chance of walking away thinking, "what the hell?". And with keeping an eye on money, there's a higher interest in seeing films that I walk away feeling good having seen it.

I saw Robot Stories on Tuesday at Opera Plaza, and I can highly recommend it even having seen it (as opposed to my previous demand that was just based on principle). It's a series of four short films, but they are really well done, well conceptualized, and nicely poignant, human stories. Yes, very poignant. Poignant. Poignant. Poignant. Poignant. Say it out loud with me: poignant, poignant, poignant, poignant, poignant. OK, you can stop.

My brother's birthday is next week. My family is not a gift giving family. We're mostly a phonecall/leave a message type of birthday family. I think I'm the most likely to go out and find something to send to my brothers, but that happens only sporadically and it's not something that has to get there on their birthdays. Give or take a month is fine, and usually there is no card or mention that it is a birthday gift. But I was good this year. Yesterday I went out and didn't procrastinate or equivocate, and got something from SFMoma. Got a box and packaging tape, and today I got See's, Ghirardeli, and Jelly Belly's to fill it out, and sent it with even some sort of chance that it will get there on Monday. No card, though, nor a happy birthday indicated.

It was a beautiful day out. While riding past the crowds going to the SBC Giants game, there was a guy handing out free Naked Juice drinks and he gave me four. Later I fell of my bike from a near standstill and scraped my knee. Couldn't get my foot out of the toe-clip fast enough. It's funny how whenever that happens you feel stupid and tell yourself it'll never happen again, and it does. But I was happy to scrape my knee, it reminded me of being a kid. When I was kid, I liked getting scraped up, falling from rocks, falling off a bike, playing frisbee or baseball, whatever. Nowadays, crashing is no fun, because going down on a road ride or mountain biking is likely to involve some degree of injury miles and miles from home, and damage to the bike. So it was nice to get just a little owwie that stung, bled, and hurt, but is really not a big deal.

Soon after I got home, UPS showed up with my new Mag unit for my bike trainer that finally busted last week. That was quick. He sent it yesterday, trusting me to send him a check - no order form, no shipping and handling, no receipt - and I will because I'm happy. And, oh yea, I'm honest. On the down side, my camera is out of commission again. It's not recharging. I'm thinking it might not be a battery issue, but something wrong with the camera or recharger.

I really ought to change the title of the weblog. Traveling has been long done since I quit my job and I haven't even had a car the past five months. I got good mileage out of my National Parks Pass which will expire at month's end, and the only National Park around here with a fee is Muir Woods up in Marin, and I'm done communing with redwoods. I found a nice size tax refund in my checking account the other day (the first and only perk of unemployment) and may put off giving notice on my apartment another month just because I can.

I'm just about almost completely over the cold I had this past week. I went on a ride yesterday expecting to bonk and head home before reaching the bridge, but I got to the bridge and crossed it and made an afternoon of testing myself out on a few hills in the Headlands. 35 miles total satisfactory, not perfect, but no screaming at god and man (no confession), god and man (no religion), god and man, I don't believe in modern love. Almost completely over the cold.

I want to head out again today on my mountain bike and check out a few new trails, but doing rides on consecutive days has never worked. I even stuffed myself silly this morning to try to build up energy, but now I just feel bloated and lethargic. Yea, yea, I know, the time to stuff myself was yesterday immediately after the ride to recover, but that would have been too smart, that would have been too wise, too sensible, and what's the point of riding if you're gonna be smart, wise, and sensible? Pfft.

But it's beautiful out there, so I'm gonna head out somewhere. No movies. I saw Raghu Romeo at the SF Int'l Film Fest on Friday, and I have one or two more films I want to see. Unfortunately there are a bunch of movies in theaters that I also want to see. "Kill Bill, Vol. 2" will have to wait behind Shaolin Soccer, Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter...Spring, Robot Stories (I command thee to see this film if it comes to your city!!!), and . . . ok, I can probably pass on Sacred Planet, even though I theoretically want to support films that focus on the environment and our connection with it (and the calamity that will happen if we lose it). I'm sure Disney can deliver the images, but there is absolutely no reason for me to believe that Disney could deliver the message.

Heavy day. I saw Someone Else's Shinjuku East, a low budget, quasi-guerrilla documentary about Taiwanese ex-pats living in Japan, which is well-known in Asia for treating other Asians like total crap. For a while as I sat there watching it, I wasn't thinking it was an all-that-good documentary, I was mentally pointing out things I didn't like about it. But then there was one scene with one of the subjects counting out 11 1000 yen notes (roughly a hundred bucks) and handing it to the filmmaker who was holding the camera, and jokes, "for film costs", but then says, "please give this to my father" and I found myself tearing up, immediately thinking, "whoa! why?". On the whole, I'd give it a thumbs up, but would recommend it with caveats.

It was a bizarre picture of Japan. Seeing images of Japan, but hearing almost exclusively Chinese (I couldn't tell if they were speaking Mandarin or Taiwanese). I think the filmmakers were successful in showing Japan through the eyes of unwelcome outsiders. The otherwise familiar and normal images of Japan really felt foreign or hostile. The private spaces, naturally, didn't seem like Japan at all. It's not easy being an ex-pat, but part of me wondered what would be so bad about going back to Taiwan. The subjects were all older, and they came to Japan when Taiwan wasn't doing too well (yay Nationalists and 40 years of martial law), but things have changed. I don't know. I have a great-aunt living in Osaka and even having fallen on rough financial times, she didn't make any move to go back to Taiwan. Once you've integrated your life somewhere, it becomes your life.

It's still hard, though, these human lives, swept through life like leaves on a stream. What are they (we) doing? What control do they (we) have? So much suffering, so much hardship. But we're given these lives and we make do. I see other people and their lives and I feel lucky that I'm me, but train a documentary camera on me and I can give you a tragic subject.

And then I got home and watched PBS all night, and it was all bad news. First up was a Nova and it was about populations and demographics and how Japan, India, and Africa are in such big trouble, with the idiot and evil Bush administration making things worse, posturing on their stupid so-called moral stance while people die in Africa. Next up was the second part of that Nova program focusing on China and the environment and modernization, and it's just like "what are we doing to this world?" And for what? Greed, capitalism, materialism.

Finally, I watched most of a documentary on a guy named Ram Dass. I clicked on the TV and there were scenes in India, music, dancing, so I watched. Then this old white guy was being interviewed, and just as I was thinking of changing the channel to see who the musical guest would be on Letterman, it dawned on me, "Is that Ram Dass?". One of my last Netflix rentals was on the Tibetan Book of the Dead and there was a short bit on Ram Dass that didn't make any impression on me. Otherwise I know nothing about him. Oh, and there was one time at the SF Zen Center bookstore when I overheard someone asking about a Ram Dass book. But it was Ram Dass, it was a documentary on Ram Dass, and it turns out that he was quite a big shot in the 60's hippie scene. Great. But no, I watched with an open mind. He was a spiritual luminary and I have no reason to doubt it (unlike those damn hippies). He does a lot with the dying. He suffered a stroke several years ago, and part of the documentary covered his recovery. Kind of a downer. Not supposed to be. But that whole aging and suffering thing.

It was the strangest thing. After I saw Burning Dreams, a film shot in Shanghai, China by a Taiwanese filmmaker, at the Kabuki Theater in Japantown, and riding home to the predominantly Mexican Mission District, every time I heard a foreign language phrase that I understood, I would see subtitles! I'm hoping it's just my imagination. As long as I don't start seeing subtitles for phrases I'm not supposed to understand . . . or would that be really cool?

"Burning Dreams" was excellent, it will be a must-have if it comes out on DVD. I particularly loved it because it was about dance, and I'm no dancer, but I love dance. I'm also partial to filmed dance because a director or an editor is controlling where you look and focuses you on something specific. What the camera is doing is probably more than half of what I appreciate about watching dance. It's a totally different art than live dance.

But I loved "Burning Dreams" because it covers modern dancers as a subculture in Shanghai, China. As such, they are extremely passionate and committed, and their energy and dreams communicate like an electric charge on screen. There's nothing like seeing people who really love what they're doing, even if, or especially in an environment where they will never reach the heights they dream of. The film doesn't give much background on modern dance, or dance even, in China. There is a subtext of cultural conformity and political repression that isn't touched on, although subtley hinted at, ironically by the teacher of the dance school against one of his own students. It doesn't hurt either that the dancers were beautiful. It was also beautifully shot in black and white. The soundtrack was also killer, using a lot of classic rock and roll (the typed that swung. swinged. swang?).

I decided not to spend $12 on the Metallica documentary last night because I spent way too much money on Saturday night, checking out Kristin Hersh's new band 50 Foot Wave at Cafe du Norde. It was the first live show I've been to since Supergrass in August! It's hard to believe how completely I've fallen out of any music scene. Part of me was almost nostalgic. The parts that were decidedly not nostalgic included my knees.

Speaking of must-haves on DVD, this is being released tomorrow. I would say it's a must-have for Sondheim fans and theater buffs. No dancing, but the staging and direction is mind-blowing. I would also say the performances are definitive, but I haven't seen any other stagings of the show, so I really don't know. I just know George Hearn is spine-tingling in the title role.

A week and a half of having the new Modest Mouse, and I am officially declaring it a GREAT album. Yokatta. I'm so relieved. I personally really liked "The Moon and the Antarctica", but it was enough of a departure from their previous sound that there was the fear that their new aesthetic and maturity would find them careening down the slippery slope of corporate suckitude. But the new record keeps the sheen and maturity, while also harkening back to their earlier rawness, and even has some fresh, new Americana sounds for them. I give it 7 out of 5 stars.

SF Int'l Film Fest madness has started and following last night's opener, I saw the official first film of the festival, Vibrator, and it was also excellent! The description on the site is really good. I just read it. I generally don't read about films before seeing them. Highly recommended to Meghan and Cabiria if it comes round your way.

Alright, I'm putting my foot down. The tenative denifite plan is that I am giving notice on my apartment at the end of this month and through May I'll be getting rid of as much stuff as possible and taking the rest to New Jersey for storage at my parents' house. Travelling these nominally united states in the wonderful month of June. My parents are getting their clean start as grandparents, and I'm gonna come clean and let them know I'm coming back to make a new start. Starting with a shaved head and indefinite stint at the monastery, and if that doesn't work out, I'll figure it out from there. From there I might relocate to Tucson, maybe find a way to ex-pat in Taiwan or wherever.

I'm the same as I was when I was six years old
And oh my god I feel so damn old, I don't really feel anything
On a plane, I can see the tiny lights below
And oh my god they look so alone, do they really feel anything?
Oh my god, I got to, got to, got to, got to move on
Where do you move when where you're moving from is yourself?
- "Never Ending Math Equation" - (Modest Mouse)

ELO mix for S (I learned the hard way not to post peoples' names. "S" found this blog with a simple search for her name. Then I had to make it ambiguously and indirectly clear and in several uncertain terms over a period of time that it was probably not cool for her to be checking out my blogs):

1. Turn to Stone
2. Showdown
3. Livin' Thing
4. All Over the World
5. Evil Woman
6. Strange Magic
7. Night in the City
8. Last Train to London
9. So Serious
10. Rock 'n' Roll is King
11. Can't Get it Out of My Head
12. I'm Alive
13. Shine A Little Love
14. Sweet Talkin' Woman
15. Telephone Line
16. The Diary of Horace Wimp
17. Rockaria!
18. Xanadu
19. Don't Bring Me Down
20. Mr. Blue Sky

This mix turned out a lot better than it looked like it would. It was hard to get the segues right and the right balance and momentum to carry the mix from songs she might know through songs she didn't. I started with the last five or six songs, then figured out the beginning, and then filled out the middle and it all worked out perfectly. It's an art. And I make no apologies for loving that god-awful song "Diary of Horace Wimp"!

Aaaah! I've been perusing the catalog for the SF Int'l Film Fest, and even only going to matinees, this is seriously taking a steel pipe to my wallet and beating it to leather pulp:

+ Burning Dreams
+ In Satmar Custody
+ Marronnier
+ Raghu Romeo
+ Someone Else's Shinjuku East
+ Three Step Dancing
+ Vibrator
+ We Loved Each Other So Much

And among the non-matinees that I shouldn't even be thinking of for financial reasons:
+ The Corporation
+ Last Life in the Universe
+ Manhole
+ The Missing
+ The Saddest Music in the World

And, of course, I'm going to try to get into the Metallica film. I'm not even a Metallica fan, I just feel it's something I should see; that whole "used-to-be-a-magician" thing. I might have to get a job.

I nearly ruined someone's day this weekend.

I can get by just fine as long as the good times are killing me.

So now I have three weeks to while away that I didn't expect to have. There's a road bike Yahoo! group I check out to see if anyone is organizing a ride I can join, even though I haven't yet, and I seem to have missed the "training" season. All of sudden, people are posting rides that sound pretty challenging to me; no more baby rides, no let's-get-into-shape rides. Crapola. Fortunately, mountain biking has kept me from getting totally flabby, but I hopped on my road bike and rode up Market Street with a fervor and then up to Twin Peaks. Easy stuff. Sheesh, I used to have to stop at the top of Market Street to rest, thinking I deserved it, but now it's *pfftt*. But it's gonna be hills for the next few consecutive days. If nothing else, at least get in a hill every day - Market Street, Divisidero, O'Shaugnessy, West Portal, Fillmore, whatever, but rides start next week.

Bah! I'm going nowhere. The work-practice period at the monastery filled up, who woulda thunk? I found out by phone, and I think the guy was surprised because I sounded so cheerful about it. Hm, maybe I was cheerful about it. But instead of being anxious about inconvenienced by finding a ride to and from there, now I don't have an excuse to procrastinate another three weeks in figuring out what I'm gonna do next. Life is hard.

Three weeks. At least I can catch the SF Int'l Film Fest. Yup, instead of saving money by having no expenditures for three weeks, I get to blow a wad. Yeehaw! Only matinees though, with the probable exception of the Metallica film. They just sent me a catalog to peruse.