Deer Park Monastery, Escondido, CA
Shining Light:
There is a practice that the monastics do in this system called "Shining Light". I think it happens once a year, and they did it in December. It's kind of a peer review thing, where the monastics get together over the course of several weeks, and one by one, each monastic is put under the metaphoric shining light. All the brothers share their impressions and observations of each of the other monks, both positive and negative, but a lot of thought goes into the language so that anything said comes out supportive and with suggestions for improvement. No whining. The tricky thing is that in Shining Light, even though one monastic (the nuns do it separately) might be the focus, often what comes out of mouth of the monastic who is shining the light, says just as much about him or her. So the community watches and listens deeply and picks up things about the shinee and the shiner, and by extension the entire community as a whole. Apparently it's a refreshing time for the monastics and helps nurture the brotherhood and sisterhood.
In an unprecedented move, made possible probably only because of Deer Park's distance from Plum Village and ability to do things as deemed to fit a situation, the monks here decided to perform Shining Lights on me and the other aspirant here. Part of the reason is practical. Deer Park hasn't had too many aspirants here who have stayed here for such a long time before going to Plum Village. Part of the reason for the Shining Light is so that when we do go to Plum Village, the monks here can send the Shining Light record to the monks there so they have an idea who we are, what we've been doing, and where we are on our paths. Clever. Very, very clever.
So I had my Shining Light last night, and it was interesting. Very, very interesting. Admittedly, it wasn't a real Shining Light, and they put on the kid gloves for us, really fudging everything towards the more positive, and that's reasonable. Hey, I'm still surprised that they even performed it in the first place, I certainly don't expect that they treat us with the same brotherhood and outrightness that they do each other. It's difference in realities.
It was interesting hearing my experience here coming back at me from the perspective of various monks. Of note, all the Western brothers spoke, including one who doesn't know me that well, and only one of the Vietnamese brothers spoke, one of the most senior ones. Even one Vietnamese brother who spoke English and I knew had something positive to say about me declined. I'm letting it go for now, but it's an observation.
There were a lot of keen observations, nothing new to me, of course, and nothing that they picked up on surprised me, just impressed me as being keen. There was a lot they didn't pick up on, of course, since I'm not a brother, I'm not living with them, and my role here is separate from the brotherhood. They praised my assets, my participation, my energy, my contributions, my sense of humor, believe it or not but I do have a sense of humor, but they also honed in on my loner, avoidant tendencies and independent spirit, which is a concern in a system where community is central. It was interesting hearing brothers interpreting the same thing in me in different ways. One brother commented about what looked like "shyness", but then another brother came right out and re-iterated that as "loner". I feel fine with this Shining Light going with me to Plum Village as a foundation for the brothers there getting to know me.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Monday, May 23, 2005
Deer Park Monastery, Escondido, CA
Vesak:
We celebrated Vesak yesterday, the Buddha's birthday. As I mentioned, I had no idea what to expect and decided to participate in all scheduled activities. Also to train myself not to just go do my own thing when something is scheduled that I don't want to do. I won't necessarily be able to do that if I become a monk. But there wasn't much to it. As one monk later commented about it, "It's a cute little ceremony".
Indeed, a cute little ceremony that involved not a negligible amount of preparation and monastics donning their formal sangati robes. After a Dharma Talk in the Meditation Barn, we walked up to the Solidity Hamlet garden that was prepared for the ceremony. The monastics chanted for a while, and then the main part of the ceremony was people walking up on a bridge constructed over the pond, and pouring flowered water over a baby doll Buddha, set up on plastic lotus-looking leaves. First, the Venerable (the resident teacher) went, followed by the abbess of the nun's hamlet. Then some children went up, and then the monks and nuns went in pairs, all the while with very nice chanting in the background. After the monastics, lay people lined up to pour water on the plastic doll baby Buddha.
Note the "cool" nun:
Nuns pouring water on the plastic doll baby Buddha (hey look, there's the "cool" nun again (I think she needs to wear the shades for medical reasons)):
I wasn't sure what to think of using a plastic doll for the baby Buddha. Apparently, baby Buddha statues are available for purchase. I believe the doll actually purchased was a potty-training doll, and came with plastic toilet and all ("all"?). However, it was with horror that I learned that the first place a brother went to get the doll was evil Walmart. Groan. Oh, but that's not the end of it. He ended up not getting the doll at Walmart. Why? Because all the baby dolls in Walmart were black!! The Western brothers I've talked to about it had basically the same reaction, "what's wrong with having a black baby Buddha?". Next year they may insist on it. Not to be politically correct or anything, but we are a pretty progressive organization, and there is nothing wrong with having a black baby Buddha. There is something wrong with avoiding having a black baby Buddha. But to lighten things up, the roommate of the Vietnamese monk who didn't buy the black baby Buddha is African American (speaks fluent Vietnamese, too), and his deadpan reaction was, "My roommate is a bigot".
But, no, we aren't being politically correct. No lectures on cultural sensitivity will be given to the Vietnamese monks. That monk was delegated the task to get a doll to be the baby Buddha, and he did what he did, and no one is going to dictate or lecture him on how he should have done it, he being a senior monk notwithstanding. But that's one of the strengths of this community.
Vesak:
We celebrated Vesak yesterday, the Buddha's birthday. As I mentioned, I had no idea what to expect and decided to participate in all scheduled activities. Also to train myself not to just go do my own thing when something is scheduled that I don't want to do. I won't necessarily be able to do that if I become a monk. But there wasn't much to it. As one monk later commented about it, "It's a cute little ceremony".
Indeed, a cute little ceremony that involved not a negligible amount of preparation and monastics donning their formal sangati robes. After a Dharma Talk in the Meditation Barn, we walked up to the Solidity Hamlet garden that was prepared for the ceremony. The monastics chanted for a while, and then the main part of the ceremony was people walking up on a bridge constructed over the pond, and pouring flowered water over a baby doll Buddha, set up on plastic lotus-looking leaves. First, the Venerable (the resident teacher) went, followed by the abbess of the nun's hamlet. Then some children went up, and then the monks and nuns went in pairs, all the while with very nice chanting in the background. After the monastics, lay people lined up to pour water on the plastic doll baby Buddha.
Note the "cool" nun:
Nuns pouring water on the plastic doll baby Buddha (hey look, there's the "cool" nun again (I think she needs to wear the shades for medical reasons)):
I wasn't sure what to think of using a plastic doll for the baby Buddha. Apparently, baby Buddha statues are available for purchase. I believe the doll actually purchased was a potty-training doll, and came with plastic toilet and all ("all"?). However, it was with horror that I learned that the first place a brother went to get the doll was evil Walmart. Groan. Oh, but that's not the end of it. He ended up not getting the doll at Walmart. Why? Because all the baby dolls in Walmart were black!! The Western brothers I've talked to about it had basically the same reaction, "what's wrong with having a black baby Buddha?". Next year they may insist on it. Not to be politically correct or anything, but we are a pretty progressive organization, and there is nothing wrong with having a black baby Buddha. There is something wrong with avoiding having a black baby Buddha. But to lighten things up, the roommate of the Vietnamese monk who didn't buy the black baby Buddha is African American (speaks fluent Vietnamese, too), and his deadpan reaction was, "My roommate is a bigot".
But, no, we aren't being politically correct. No lectures on cultural sensitivity will be given to the Vietnamese monks. That monk was delegated the task to get a doll to be the baby Buddha, and he did what he did, and no one is going to dictate or lecture him on how he should have done it, he being a senior monk notwithstanding. But that's one of the strengths of this community.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
It's been slow around here, rolling into Summer heat finally. Mellow hot days. However, this weekend, we're celebrating the Buddha's birthday with some ceremony tomorrow. We didn't announce it, but anyone who is coming up to the monastery today and wants to stay the night can do so for free.
I don't know much about the Buddha nativity, but I put as much credit on it as I do the Jesus nativity. I swear, it takes minimal logic to think about the Jesus nativity and be confounded how people think that was historical fact. I remember a skit on Saturday Night Live with Joseph confiding to a neighbor, dressed in period clothing, but set in a modern, American suburban kitchen, about his suspicions about Mary's pregnancy, that she was cheating on him and got pregnant and is saying God did it. 'Cause he sure didn't. Funny stuff. But that's the least of what's wrong about it.
As for the Buddha nativity, the myth is along the lines that the Buddha was born out of Queen Maya's side, proceeded to take however many steps in each of the directions, and proclaimed that between heaven and earth, there was none who can compare to he. Aren't all kids are like that once they learn to walk and talk?
Apparently the baby Buddha statue being used for the ceremony has one finger up to the sky like John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever". We were joking about a disco theme and changing it to "between heaven and earth, there is none who can dance like me". Irreverence is a sign of a healthy spiritual community.
I don't know much about the Buddha nativity, but I put as much credit on it as I do the Jesus nativity. I swear, it takes minimal logic to think about the Jesus nativity and be confounded how people think that was historical fact. I remember a skit on Saturday Night Live with Joseph confiding to a neighbor, dressed in period clothing, but set in a modern, American suburban kitchen, about his suspicions about Mary's pregnancy, that she was cheating on him and got pregnant and is saying God did it. 'Cause he sure didn't. Funny stuff. But that's the least of what's wrong about it.
As for the Buddha nativity, the myth is along the lines that the Buddha was born out of Queen Maya's side, proceeded to take however many steps in each of the directions, and proclaimed that between heaven and earth, there was none who can compare to he. Aren't all kids are like that once they learn to walk and talk?
Apparently the baby Buddha statue being used for the ceremony has one finger up to the sky like John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever". We were joking about a disco theme and changing it to "between heaven and earth, there is none who can dance like me". Irreverence is a sign of a healthy spiritual community.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Deer Park Monastery, Escondido, CA
These days just go by at the monastery, a good sign probably. No anxiety, no stress, lot of playfulness, work meditation, visitors arriving and leaving. I've forgotten what I've posted already, too lazy to read over what I've written before.
I did submit a letter to the community. Some of them may have expected it to be my "Letter of Aspirancy" in which I declare my deepest, heart-felt aspiration to shave my head, wear robes to sleep, and use the same toothpaste and soap (brands, not actual items) as 20 other people. Actually, I don't know if they wear robes to sleep, nor if they get to choose their own underwear. I've been meaning to ask, but haven't gotten around to it.
But in short, I did not "ask" to become an aspirant. I described my situation, feelings, attitude, perspective, background, etc., etc., and from that information if it sounds to them that I'm an aspirant, like I want to be an aspirant, they can go ahead and consider me an aspirant. Or not. But I played the "am I an aspirant?" game and I'm done with it. If I don't feel like "requesting aspirancy" because it feels like official admission into some exclusive club, they can deal with it. And they will, they're a very compassionate community, and I don't believe they get stuck on trivial technicalities like whether I've asked for aspirancy or not. I just don't like the idea of putting a stamp on my forehead which might supposedly determine how I'm supposed to be treated. I'm here, I'm practicing, I'm planning to go to Plum Village, I might get ordained. They all know that, and a letter shouldn't make any difference between how I'm treated today and how I was treated yesterday.
These days just go by at the monastery, a good sign probably. No anxiety, no stress, lot of playfulness, work meditation, visitors arriving and leaving. I've forgotten what I've posted already, too lazy to read over what I've written before.
I did submit a letter to the community. Some of them may have expected it to be my "Letter of Aspirancy" in which I declare my deepest, heart-felt aspiration to shave my head, wear robes to sleep, and use the same toothpaste and soap (brands, not actual items) as 20 other people. Actually, I don't know if they wear robes to sleep, nor if they get to choose their own underwear. I've been meaning to ask, but haven't gotten around to it.
But in short, I did not "ask" to become an aspirant. I described my situation, feelings, attitude, perspective, background, etc., etc., and from that information if it sounds to them that I'm an aspirant, like I want to be an aspirant, they can go ahead and consider me an aspirant. Or not. But I played the "am I an aspirant?" game and I'm done with it. If I don't feel like "requesting aspirancy" because it feels like official admission into some exclusive club, they can deal with it. And they will, they're a very compassionate community, and I don't believe they get stuck on trivial technicalities like whether I've asked for aspirancy or not. I just don't like the idea of putting a stamp on my forehead which might supposedly determine how I'm supposed to be treated. I'm here, I'm practicing, I'm planning to go to Plum Village, I might get ordained. They all know that, and a letter shouldn't make any difference between how I'm treated today and how I was treated yesterday.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Deer Park Monastery, Escondido, CA
Finally, we're hitting 80 degree weather! 80 degrees and I start to get happy. Days are lolling by with lots of work meditation scheduled in preparation for Thich Nhat Hanh's visit in September for the West Coast leg of his North American speaking tour. A huge crowd is expected, including retreatants and a good chunk of monastics coming from Plum Village and Maple Forest Monastery in Vermont. Work has included patching potholes on the mile-long road leading up the mountain to the monastery, and clearing out junk to make space for trailers to house the huge influx of people. The trailers are mostly for retreatants. Apparently, the monks will all double and triple and quadruple up in the two existing monks buildings. Apparently it worked out during last year's massive three-month Winter retreat, but I'm not sure I would want to go anywhere near monks' quarters with four in a room in San Diego Summer heat! Geez, I can almost smell it from here.
I'm working for the preparations, but I'm not sure I'll be here when the tour gets here. The monks have begun discussions about what to do with me and the other guy claiming to be an aspirant here, and they decided to send him to the root monastery at Plum Village straight off to continue his aspirant training in earnest. If the monks at Plum Village agree to it, he should be off by the end of this month. They also want me to go as soon as possible, but I'm putting in a request to stay here until my brother's wedding in July. I'm hoping they will let me stay until July, at which time I will fly to New Jersey for between a week and a half to three weeks, and then I'm proposing flying to Plum Village directly from there. I would be there for just a few weeks before their monks, including Thich Nhat Hanh, left for the tour. How's that for timing? I'm not into teacher-worship, but it looks like I'm being downright avoidant. I can just see it now if I get ordained: rows of smiling aspirants prepared to get their hair lopped off in front of Thich Nhat Hanh, when he looks at me and says, "who's he?". Perfect.
But quite honestly, I'm not looking that far ahead. I'm not looking towards ordination. I'm not looking towards not ordaining, either. I just don't know what I'll end up doing, so I'm not thinking about it. I'm just here practicing now, and as time goes by and as doorways I go through, I'll find if I will ordain or not. The only important thing right now is that I'm here right now, and that's all anyone needs to know. Very Zen, eh?
The question asked in regard to ordination is, are you sure? In dramatic fashion of tradition, I imagine it being asked three times. The way I see it is if I'm asked are you sure? three times, and I answer yes three times, then it's time to ordain. The determination for not going through with this is: if I'm not there anymore, I'm not ordaining. Pretty straight-forward, I think.
Finally, we're hitting 80 degree weather! 80 degrees and I start to get happy. Days are lolling by with lots of work meditation scheduled in preparation for Thich Nhat Hanh's visit in September for the West Coast leg of his North American speaking tour. A huge crowd is expected, including retreatants and a good chunk of monastics coming from Plum Village and Maple Forest Monastery in Vermont. Work has included patching potholes on the mile-long road leading up the mountain to the monastery, and clearing out junk to make space for trailers to house the huge influx of people. The trailers are mostly for retreatants. Apparently, the monks will all double and triple and quadruple up in the two existing monks buildings. Apparently it worked out during last year's massive three-month Winter retreat, but I'm not sure I would want to go anywhere near monks' quarters with four in a room in San Diego Summer heat! Geez, I can almost smell it from here.
I'm working for the preparations, but I'm not sure I'll be here when the tour gets here. The monks have begun discussions about what to do with me and the other guy claiming to be an aspirant here, and they decided to send him to the root monastery at Plum Village straight off to continue his aspirant training in earnest. If the monks at Plum Village agree to it, he should be off by the end of this month. They also want me to go as soon as possible, but I'm putting in a request to stay here until my brother's wedding in July. I'm hoping they will let me stay until July, at which time I will fly to New Jersey for between a week and a half to three weeks, and then I'm proposing flying to Plum Village directly from there. I would be there for just a few weeks before their monks, including Thich Nhat Hanh, left for the tour. How's that for timing? I'm not into teacher-worship, but it looks like I'm being downright avoidant. I can just see it now if I get ordained: rows of smiling aspirants prepared to get their hair lopped off in front of Thich Nhat Hanh, when he looks at me and says, "who's he?". Perfect.
But quite honestly, I'm not looking that far ahead. I'm not looking towards ordination. I'm not looking towards not ordaining, either. I just don't know what I'll end up doing, so I'm not thinking about it. I'm just here practicing now, and as time goes by and as doorways I go through, I'll find if I will ordain or not. The only important thing right now is that I'm here right now, and that's all anyone needs to know. Very Zen, eh?
The question asked in regard to ordination is, are you sure? In dramatic fashion of tradition, I imagine it being asked three times. The way I see it is if I'm asked are you sure? three times, and I answer yes three times, then it's time to ordain. The determination for not going through with this is: if I'm not there anymore, I'm not ordaining. Pretty straight-forward, I think.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Monday, May 02, 2005
One of the brothers asked me if I wanted to go to San Diego this weekend for Earth Day. Apparently, the monastery scored a booth several years back, and once you have a booth, you get first dibs on it the next year, and they've been maintaining it. I wasn't so sure. I got a migraine on Saturday, and by Sunday morning my head was still pretty fragile, like I had huge marbles in my head and every time they touched, shocks of pain would sear through my cranium. I also wasn't sure if I was done vomiting anything I put down my gullet, and I had eaten some cereal and soymilk. But I also felt I needed to get down off the mountain, so with just a little convincing, I hopped in the van with two monks and two nuns.
It was a good call getting off the mountain, and I had a relaxing day in Balboa Park in San Diego, right near the zoo where I had went with my uncle and cousin. The booth sold Deer Park and Thich Nhat Hanh merch, and in the back we set up cushions and held 15-minute sittings every hour or so. I must say, though, that one of the best parts was the Christian-based group across the street doing folk dances on the lawn all day long. They were mesmerizing! One of the brothers made contact with them and found they had a place not far from our monastery. I want to go just to learn the folk dances - the wave of the future, I say - but the brother said that the literature he read of theirs looked a little sketchy. I still want to go. If someone organized a field trip on a lazy day, I'd sign up. Those dances were just so cool!
Our merch booth:
Sitting session behind the merch booth:
If you were there, you couldn't miss us:
It was a good call getting off the mountain, and I had a relaxing day in Balboa Park in San Diego, right near the zoo where I had went with my uncle and cousin. The booth sold Deer Park and Thich Nhat Hanh merch, and in the back we set up cushions and held 15-minute sittings every hour or so. I must say, though, that one of the best parts was the Christian-based group across the street doing folk dances on the lawn all day long. They were mesmerizing! One of the brothers made contact with them and found they had a place not far from our monastery. I want to go just to learn the folk dances - the wave of the future, I say - but the brother said that the literature he read of theirs looked a little sketchy. I still want to go. If someone organized a field trip on a lazy day, I'd sign up. Those dances were just so cool!
Our merch booth:
Sitting session behind the merch booth:
If you were there, you couldn't miss us:
