Deer Park Monastery, Escondido, CA
These days just go by at the monastery, a good sign probably. No anxiety, no stress, lot of playfulness, work meditation, visitors arriving and leaving. I've forgotten what I've posted already, too lazy to read over what I've written before.

I did submit a letter to the community. Some of them may have expected it to be my "Letter of Aspirancy" in which I declare my deepest, heart-felt aspiration to shave my head, wear robes to sleep, and use the same toothpaste and soap (brands, not actual items) as 20 other people. Actually, I don't know if they wear robes to sleep, nor if they get to choose their own underwear. I've been meaning to ask, but haven't gotten around to it.

But in short, I did not "ask" to become an aspirant. I described my situation, feelings, attitude, perspective, background, etc., etc., and from that information if it sounds to them that I'm an aspirant, like I want to be an aspirant, they can go ahead and consider me an aspirant. Or not. But I played the "am I an aspirant?" game and I'm done with it. If I don't feel like "requesting aspirancy" because it feels like official admission into some exclusive club, they can deal with it. And they will, they're a very compassionate community, and I don't believe they get stuck on trivial technicalities like whether I've asked for aspirancy or not. I just don't like the idea of putting a stamp on my forehead which might supposedly determine how I'm supposed to be treated. I'm here, I'm practicing, I'm planning to go to Plum Village, I might get ordained. They all know that, and a letter shouldn't make any difference between how I'm treated today and how I was treated yesterday.