Deer Park Monastery, Escondido, CA

Family Retreat
Yesterday was registration day. I survived, I think. I didn't really participate. I should clarify. After I arrived here last October, I somehow got involved in the registration office and before I knew it, I was doing hospitality for retreats. I would hang out in the back room, surfing the internet, and guests would arrive to register and then I would walk them to their rooms and unlock the door for them. New guests often had a habit energy of rushing and walking fast, and I would, by example, make them walk slowly, if not mindfully, and chat with them to help them relax. Soon I got associated with anything involving guests and guestrooms and I was given a master key. Is this odd? Yes, it is. I should have been wearing one of those t-shirts that say, "Do I LOOK like a people person?" I'm probably one of the most avoidant people here. I don't like crowds, I shrink and shy away and eventually disappear. November and December were heavy retreat months, and doing hospitality took its toll on me and stoked the fires of my negativity and exacerbated my avoidant tendencies. It was also too much work for one person, as the responsibilities I ended up volunteering for kinda snowballed, one leading to another, all under the guise of "guest master", which I was not. Or didn't think I was. Actually, considering the way a monastery works, yes, I was guest master.

When I got back here in April, I continued in the registration office, but hospitality efforts had gotten much more efficient and I started getting more support on retreat registration days, and it has been really good. I've been really good. I've been able to keep positive and stay happy doing hospitality. I don't know what happened yesterday. Some negative energy was around and with the largest retreat crowd I've been involved in (about 160 people), the registration office got so much support that I didn't have to do anything for most of the day. I ducked out right before dinner and did 45 minutes of sitting in the small hall amidst people arriving and registering right outside. With so much support, my role was more of a fallback, and as the evening wore on and there were less people arriving, I still hung out with the office manager waiting for people to show. Basically, I missed registration and ended up walking only one person to his room.

The monastics are aware of my crowd aversion, and some help me with it without making me uncomfortable. They're OK with me half-joking about disappearing for retreats (the half joking is the listening half, the half not joking is the speaking half). Although I am fully joking about booking nights at the Motel 6 downtown. I've always ended up making an effort to participate in activities during retreats. But 160 people? I'll take tomorrow as it comes.