Deer Park Monastery, Escondido, CA

Happinesses of the Day:
No, no happiness of today. It was a good day, but my practice is getting to be a struggle. It may be an offshoot of getting overwhelmed by the retreat. Yesterday’s Lazy Day, I was on cooking detail (meals are the only things scheduled for Lazy Day, and it’s just unluck of the draw if you end up on cooking detail), so I didn’t get any recharge from yesterday.

All day today I was trying to refocus myself on my practice. Even having fun with J*ost and Robin I notice is a distraction. After four weeks here and getting a little comfortable with the day to day, I need to recommit myself to the practice and be careful not to fall into mindlessly living here in this peace.

Today I may have also been preoccupied by the news I heard yesterday that Thich Nhat Hanh’s trip to Vietnam is back on! I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it already, but Thich Nhat Hanh was exiled from his homeland in 1966 because of his peace efforts during the war. Working for peace meant that both sides considered him an enemy – you know, if you’re not for us, you’re against us (where have I heard that before?). But in the past year, there have been steps and gestures for his return and finally a plan. Then I think there was a groundswell of interest by the Vietnamese people and the government started getting scared, so they tried limiting where he could go, how many people he could speak to (audience-wise), and what he could talk about, and Thich Nhat Hanh declined and the trip was cancelled. Then the government conceded and I don’t know what the terms are, but now the trip is back on and they’re (supposedly) going from January 9, 2005 to the middle of April.

Most of the Deer Park monastics are going, about 75% of the monks and half the nuns. I’m patiently waiting to hear what my options are, but it’s something that’s looming. The monastics I’m sure haven’t discussed what my options will be, and I can’t even project what they might be. I do know that my money will fall below a critical level during the period they’re away, and this is me being practical, not neurotic. So if the news is a source of distraction, I think it’s somewhat reasonable. Although as something out of my control and will manifest when it’s time, I should be able to be not distracted by it. OOOOOOMMMMM. Sorry, that OM was more sarcastic than it was meant to be.