I guess even with my pathological indecisiveness, I eventually have to make decisions. Today, on the day of the deadline to register, I decided not to participate in the SF Zen Center's Winter Practice Period. I'm thinking all monasteries have this sort of thing, as Deer Park Monastery is currently in its Winter Retreat. I don't mean to be critical, I don't want to be critical, but I just don't gel with the community here, and it's probably due to the pool of people. If I don't like the type of people in the San Francisco Bay Area, I'm not going to very much like any microcosm that draws on the San Francisco Bay Area pool of people.

I recall visiting SF Zen Center not too long after I arrived in the Bay Area, and I just got a cold vibe from the place. It just wasn't for me and I didn't go back until after visiting Deer Park, just to be exposed to any community, to draw on that energy, regardless if it was wrong or right. I've been going there twice a week for Dharma talks to get what I could out of them, and I haven't met anyone, even though there does seem to be a social aspect to the place, not unlike a Christian church. It's kinda clique-y. And I can stand in the hallway and listen in on conversations and goings on, and I know this isn't the community for me. Too white liberal, too NIMBY, too hypocritical, too AMERICAN, I don't know what it is. They just rub me the wrong way.