Uoigh . . . so I'm not participating in SF Zen Center's Winter Practice Period, and not that I had any plans to return to Deer Park, but I did completely block off their Winter Retreat period as to be avoided, but instead, I'm following the spirit and intensifying my personal practice for the duration of SFZC's Practice Period. This primarily entails participating in their two daily sittings in addition to my own. Today was the test day to see if I could get there for the 5:25 AM sitting. It worked. I can do it. It does mean that I have to go to bed by around 10:00 and have my clothes laid out, so that when my alarm goes off at 4:55, I don't give myself time to slag off and fall back to sleep. Alarm goes off, throw the clothes on, and be out the front door by 5:05. That's seriously the only way I'll be able to do it.

I'm hoping to be pretty strict about it (whatever that means), especially the morning sitting since that's the hardest aspect of it, and it also dictates the rest of my day by dictating my wake up time. I think, I think, I think I'll still allow for Beale St. Tuesday evenings, but not every week. Also as a trade-off, weekends will be more relaxed to prevent burn out, but I haven't decided how yet. Rain falling in the morning means I don't go for practical reasons, as it probably won't do to show up soaked. And rain actually has to be falling to stop me. Other contingencies will be considered as I go along.

The purpose will be to be more aware of my practice and putting it on a stricter time schedule. I don't know what the ultimate purpose is, as I'm maintaining my wariness at organized religion, and "being a better person" makes me guffaw (yea, like that's gonna happen). I'm still critical about SFZC even though I'm trying not to be.