Deer Park Monastery, Escondido, CA
Apparently there was a misunderstanding. Norman was clarifying with the monks whether I was an aspirant or not (for payment purposes). A monk told him that I wasn’t, and that I would know before he did. We took that to mean that the monastics would tell me when I was an aspirant first, so I would find out before he did. But no, that was the wrong interpretation. What the monk meant was that I would know first by making an affirmative request for aspirancy, and once that went through, he would be told that I shouldn’t be charged anymore. So, bottom line, I’m not waiting for the monks to tell me I’m an aspirant, but they’re waiting for me to forward an affirmative request to become one. No harm done, all good.

So now that I know the ball’s in my court, I need to get clear on some other issues, such as what exactly is an “aspirant”, and what is the expectation of an aspirant towards monkdom. 50%? 75%? 90%? Especially when aspirancy means that I would no longer need to pay for my stay here. What will aspirancy mean for my ability to come and go? Is it possible to fall out of aspirancy, or is waffling on the path (which apparently many people do) an expected part of aspirancy?

There’s an issue of when I should or can request aspirancy. I know that generally, potential aspirants need to stay for a period of three months before being accepted as an aspirant. So for me, that would be the end of January, during the trip to Vietnam, and I can’t hang around paying, waiting until the trip is over in April. I get the feeling that some of the brothers are keen on me moving along on my path, but I don’t know how much that translates into flexibility for me to be accepted as an aspirant before three months are up, and before they leave for Vietnam.

I’m also considering whether I can go back to New Jersey during the three month Vietnam trip, ostensibly to settle all my secular life affairs and work with my parents in case they have a problem with my decision to become a monk, and then immediately return as an aspirant when the trip is over. Perhaps whether I go to Deer Park or Plum Village will depend on how long a period of aspirancy is expected. If I’m still floundering with the decision, I’ll return to Deer Park. If my decision is made and my period of aspirancy looks like it will be rather short, then I’ll just go straight to Plum Village, perhaps with a recommendation from the Deer Park monastics that I should be ordained asap.

I’m hoping that once I make the decision, it will be an arrow shot straight and true. Boom, buckle down, we got to move these refrigerators, we got to move these color TVs. All that monasticism entails and means will become my life, and I will become it. My feeling is that my time here now is making sure it’s what I want to do, and the Vietnam trip is an opportunity to make sure I don’t want to return to a secular life of desires and attachments.

5:25 – woke up
5:52 – morning sitting
6:50 – Touching the Earth (prostrations)
7:08 – morning exercise: jogging around Meditation Hall
7:20 – walking meditation
7:45 – in tea room with P. Tra*h for Vietnamese coffee. He disappeared and I made it anyway and skipped breakfast
8:45 – began unofficial work meditation (guestrooms)
9:30 – after more coffee, joined official work meditation team extending the vegetable garden
10:40 – stopped work meditation because of rain
11:00 – cleaned tool shed
11:30 – tea in the tea room with P. Tra*h, and John and Jesse (from San Diego who came up just for Saturday work day)
12:30 – lunch
Afternoon – listless, cold Saturday afternoon, doing some guestroom related responsibilities.
3:00 – DVD Dharma talk by Thich Nhat Hanh for laypeople.
6:00 – dinner
7:45 – evening sitting and chanting

P. Tr*ch making Vietnamese coffee


I nailed a nun with a soccer ball during morning exercise. A group of nuns were doing stick exercises at one end of the parking lot, a group of monks were playing soccer in the parking lot, and another group, including me, were jogging around the Meditation Hall. As I was coming around the building into the parking lot, the soccer ball was heading right at me really fast, so I did what anyone would do – I kicked it without aiming. Fortunately it hit one of the good-natured nuns (I was told later, everyone saw it), another older one. What is it with me and nuns? One week I’m getting felt up by one and the next I’m nailing another . . . with a soccer ball.