----- Original Message -----
From: Delphine
To: Koji Li
Sent: Monday, April 28, 2003 11:46 PM
Subject: Re: Broadcast and Echoboy May 8th

Hey, have you ever cooked a chicken with that cider you left at my pad?
D

Koji Li wrote:
Why yes. Yes, I have (read: no, I haven't, -ed.).
You should download AIM off aol.com. If you do, my thingie is keauxgeigh.

----- Original Message -----
From: Delphine
To: Koji Li
Sent: Tuesday, April 29, 2003 6:22 PM
Subject: Re: Broadcast and Echoboy May 8th

am I gonna get spammed?

----- Original Message -----
From: Koji Li
To: Delphine
Sent: Tuesday, April 29, 2003 10:36 PM
Subject: Re: Broadcast and Echoboy May 8th

I cannot tell a lie. No. You won't.

----- Original Message -----
From: Koji Li
To: S*die
Sent: Monday, April 28, 2003 9:43 PM
Hey S*die,
Sorry, I couldn't make it out tonight. It was probably for the better, tho'. God told me to bend over and He had His Holy way with me today.
k

It's so boring to say, "I had a bad day". It's so much more fun coming up with variant ways of saying it. If God was a baby, today was my turn to be His diaper. And to clarify for the religious freaks, I'm being sarcastic when I refer to God in the proper noun masculine.

I found out that I missed the pre-sale for the second leg of Peter Gabriel's U.S. touring. He's touring in June, possibly my travel month, so I held off buying a ticket for the Shoreline show on June 7. I'll probably get one soon, despite the $90 ticket price (!!). He'll be in New Jersey the night before my brother gets married, so . . . hehe. I don't think I'll have to pay for that show *wink, wink*. I also found that he released Secret World Live on DVD and so I headed down to Best Buy to pick it up. It's awesome with special features and a featurette of the first leg of the Growing Up tour. The second leg of the tour is reported to be scaled-down and not as elaborate so as to accommodate smaller venues, so I'm glad I got the chance to see the first leg.

The sucky part of today mostly involved weather, and I'm 100% decided on leaving the Bay Area by the end of the year. I will decide on destination by the end of August. I also broke the 9V battery wiring on my bass while changing the battery and had to engage in drunken fine soldering. Not a good day. With yesterday's revelation of H*n and S*die's band, I thought it was appropriate to have been napping when they called about rehearsing tonight (sans drummer).

The phone ring woke me up. I rolled out of bed knowing it must be Sadie and glanced at my clock - 10:00. Friggin' 'ell. I stumbled out to the living room locating the ring and croaked into the phone, "hello". "I'm leaving now to pick you up", "OK", "Did I wake you up?", "No".

The drummer came in for rehearsal today, the first time for me to play with him. It was great. Playing Wednesday's gig should be fine, I'm sitting out on three songs, and otherwise I'm just holding down the roots, basically adding muscle to the band's low-end. This is definitely a band I wouldn't join, or know enough now to quit if I had joined. I've been in this sort of dynamic before where there are the two creative forces, and my own contribution is geared to pleasing them or to be trumped by them, or even decided by them with me in abstensia. I just didn't like the view from the corner of the room I was standing in. Been there, done that. Add to that a drummer who only makes a fraction of rehearsals, and it's not even fun for me or worth my while as a hired gun. I'm not that good of a bassist, I need a drummer to develop groove.

I wasn't planning to go to Delphine's this evening, but she caught me on the phone late in the afternoon and cajoled (and guilted) me to head out to the East Bay. Her building was having a potluck and Del cooked a bunch of food. It was rainy and chilly, but for once I wasn't complaining about it. There was just something appropriate about an outdoor potluck in the Bay Area getting rained on, so I was able to appreciate it (it was under a carport). After a while we headed inside and hung out and chatted, watched some TV with her bro and sis, and then went to see "Better Luck Tomorrow" because her sis had a free pass. I thought it was an excellent film. I almost jumped up and shouted when Versus's "Eskimo" started playing on the soundtrack!

I always enjoy hanging out with Delphine, but there are issues that make me keep my distance when we're not hanging out. Aside from my personal issues, she's one of those Asians who only dates white guys, internalized racism. I've heard some pretty shamelessly racist (granted, internalized) reasons, but hers was pretty novel, I thought. She wants to date Asians, but no Asian guys want to date her. Racist without being racist, very clever. Even I had to smile, intrigued, at that one. Del and I are hugging friends, we hug when we meet and hug when we depart, and her hugs are of the sincere variety. Nice hugs always get major points.

Sadie picked me up at the ungodly hour of 11:00 this morning to go to her band's new rehearsal space for the two of us to jam, and me to maybe teach her a thing or two on drums. Our plans were foiled by an unexpected padlock on the room. So we headed off to Old Chelsea, which I spotted on the way there, for fish & chips, but our plans were foiled again as they were closed. We ended up in the Haight, eating at a joint called "All You Knead", pretty good, and then just wandering about for most of the afternoon. There aren't too many people I can spend an entire afternoon with, and the feeling I have when hanging out with those few people has not made me want to be particularly intimately close with any one person as a general concept. I seem to have lost that desire (oops, where did it go, it was here a moment ago).

After our wanderings about, she was supposed to drive me home. Her driving had been weird all day, only part of it attributable to her preoccupation with a pair of flies having sex on her windshield for a good two or three miles. I'm really not a backseat driver, and today I was the complete opposite and just let her drive which way or the other, seeing where she ended up without me telling her that she missed this turn or the other. I was just curious. It's not like she doesn't know how to get around the city or where the studio is or where I live. I did finally point out when we were two blocks away from her apartment how interesting it was that she was supposed to be driving me home, and here we were two blocks away from her apartment. She got the brilliant idea that she just go home and I take her car to my place since she got the studio padlock thing cleared and we were planning to go in the evening.

I am film festivaled out. I didn't go to either of the films I wanted to see today. I also didn't even make it to Critical Mass this evening. Getting out of the apartment just wasn't happening today. I attribute it to the weather. Unsettled, mostly cloudy, chance of showers, chilly. That's pretty much how it's been since I got back from Tucson. Tucson, mind you, is sunny and in the eighties. Fate is cruel. I spent several hours on the phone this evening talking through some problems with Sadie. That felt good.

Ugh! I woke up at an ungodly time at 8:30 to make it to an Int'l film festival movie at 10:00. It was worth it though. The film was "The Sea Watches", a story that Akira Kurosawa wrote before he died, and the director did Kurosawa credit. Beautifully shot and a moving portrayal of 19th Century Japan, the so-called "Floating World" where the caste system was firmly in place with Samurai at the top, but the merchant class doing quite well for itself.

The drill today was pretty much like Monday's. I left the apartment just before three and caught the 22 Fillmore to J-town to catch the 4:15 film at the International Film Festival. Today, it was a French film called "In My Skin", ostensibly an SI film. At first I thought it was going to do justice to the topic, but then it started going out into left field and I was wondering what the hell the director was saying. The director was there and there was going to be a Q&A afterwards. I knew I wasn't going to ask anything, but I had questions formulating in my mind. "Since you're doing a film on the subject, of course you must have studied some cases to create the character. I'm curious why you chose to portray the protagonist in such an extreme light, as someone who is clearly disturbed, freakishly disturbed, certainly not someone typical". Other peoples' questions elicited her response that she did no study on the subject, her portrayal was not based on any actual case, and that she did not want to delve into the psychology, but just wanted to portray the drama. Big THUMBS DOWN for the film. Given what she said, this was not a sympathetic portrayal of SI victims. She portrays an extreme example, and by doing so portrays them all as freaks. Furthermore, all the other characters are portrayed as totally unsympathetic. This portrays everyone else as untrustable. If that's the way people are going to react, you don't tell anyone, you don't tell confidantes, which is often the first step towards getting help. And I was so hoping that the "cannibal" scene would be allegorical for the self-consumption involved in the behavior. Nope. This film was pure exploitation of a serious condition for the sake of putting gore on screen and making audiences queasy. I'm glad I saw the film, it's not a bad film, I'm just highly critical of it from a social perspective.

Unlike Monday, I had Sadie pick me up for rehearsal, saving me lugging my bass from J-town to the Tenderloin. Tonight was my second rehearsal with Han and Sadie to play with them at a gig next week. I'm pretty sure this is a one-off, so I'm treating it that way. It was fun playing with other people, but music just isn't a priority anymore. For me it's more hanging out with Sadie and Han, rather than rehearsing with a band.

I didn't get out of the apartment until after 2:00. Rain wasn't forecast, so I did some minor maintenance on my Peugeot and headed out to the bike shop for some new brake pads which I found I don't need, new tubes, and a cable to lock my rack to my car on trips like the recently one. Next I rode down to the Embarcadero to measure out a flat 5 mile running course. I want to train for the Bay to Breakers and run it seriously since it's probably the last one I'll do. When I used to run, I think my average per mile hovered around 7:30 miles, so I decided to make that my starting goal, measuring out a 5 mile flat course and keep doing it until I could beat 37:30. Once I beat that, I would start working on hills and end sprints for strength.

After measuring that out, I went home and then to the liquor store to re-stock my supply, and then I decided to run that 5 mile course to see where I am at this point. I did it in 35:56, 7:11 miles. Whatever, I typically set low goals as a way to keep expectations and disappointment low. Having soundly beaten my goal, I can now sit back on my laurels and stop running in favor of drinking beer for the next 3 and a half weeks until the race.

And it's still raining here. How do you come back from the gorgeous weather of Tucson to Bay Area weather and not hate it here?

Oy! Revelation. I might cancel my plans to drive across the country to my brother's wedding in June. My apprehension is that once I get past Chicago, the thrill will be gone because I've driven over Rte. 80 from Cleveland to New Jersey so many times already. Also, it's all good and dandy driving across country, but . . . I haven't given much thought about the drive back. I've already driven across the country three times, granted twice in Winter and once was a three day beeline on Rte. 80, but I'd need to make sure something was different about doing it. I even contemplated leaving the car in New Jersey until after August when I would know whether or not I'd need or want it anymore, i.e., move to Tucson.

But now I'm thinking maybe I'll fly out for my brother's wedding, and after I get back, I'd roadtrip again, this time north to Alaska in July. Thinking, thinking, thinking . . .

The San Francisco International Film Festival has started. Being duly unemployed, and having just blown a wad romping through the American Southwest, my plan is to only catch matinees, and no buying tickets in advanced. If it's sold out, I don't see it. Today I saw a prison film from Japan called "Doing Time". It was very funny, but it was hard to nail down the take on the Japan prison system, or if it was even trying to have one at all. On one hand the discipline is rigid and unforgiving, and freedoms tightly regulated, but the characters take in the experience with the greatest of gusto and appreciation of what they do have. I walked out of the film with a peaceful, relaxed glow. I would say the life philosophy is a good one. I would highly recommend the film, but would warn that you should eat before seeing it. I was squirming during the food scenes and a bag of popcorn just didn't satisfy.

While I was riding home, I turned off Market onto Valencia and was shocked that I didn't recognize the area! Meghan might not have recognized it, and she used to live right there! They've begun tearing down the Central Freeway and it has totally opened up the area, but without the freeway, I lost my bearing of what should be where. I can't wait until they remove the part that crosses Market St. Once that goes, the area will be so nice with a clear view from the Castro down Market St.

I haven't ridden my bike in two days, since I got back from my trip. I understand an aversion to my red Peugeot since that went with me, and it needs a tune-up or an overhaul. We got miserable rained, snowed, and hailed on during the last push home from Nevada to San Francisco. Added to the gusts it was subjected to on the back of my car, all the lubrication has pretty much been stripped off. The front tire is flat. When I first got to Tucson and parked the car and got on my bike, it went flat soon after. It turned out that it was just the valve that was leaking so I just had to pump it up every morning before riding and it would last the day. I had a fresh tube, but I decided to save it in case I got a real flat or if the valve really busted. Now that I'm home, nothing is stopping me from putting on a new tube. I guess I'll get to it eventually. I guess I also need to decompress from that bike, after the ordeal, even though it was generally a good one, except for the drive home. But I also haven't been able to get on my blue Fuji, either. I've been walking everywhere.

I finally figured out the time situation in Arizona. My confusion was in thinking Arizona was Pacific time for some reason, but it's in Mountain time. So when Daylight Savings kicks in and Pacific time jumps forward an hour, it becomes what Mountain time was, which is what Arizona remains. When Daylight Savings ends, California goes back to Pacific Standard, and Mountain states all change back to what Arizona stayed on. Basically, during Daylight Savings, Arizona is the same as Pacific time zone states. Otherwise it's a Mountain time zone state. Got it!

And now, the hard part:
Reconciling a week's worth of traveling the open road through the expanses of the American Southwest landscape with coming back to the mundane domesticity of stationary life. I got home just before 5 this morning, and as everything this past week has been in spontaneous motion, here was my apartment exactly like I left it. Or, the other side of the coin - after a week of everything being new and not knowing what was coming next, here was familiarity. OK, that didn't help. How 'bout this: after a week of chapped, cracked lips, shredded cuticles, and forgetting to put on sunblock, here is . . . typing with gloves on because the Bay Area is friggin' cold. OK, that really didn't help.

Need to decompress and get back into the groove of things, things that I have to do:
1) Get car fixed (it got me home, but that's all);
2) Get bike fixed (overhauled, really);
3) Unpack;
4) Review communications;
5) Register for Bay to Breakers
6) Scroll through my memories of this past week and see what was there.

Taking the Long Way Home
I got home at 4:40 in the morning after roughly 20 hours of driving from Grand Canyon via Zion National Park. That was nuts, I should have broken it up into two parts. Everything was going great until after Zion. Just outside of Las Vegas it started raining, and from there on in, everything sucked. Relentless rain, construction zones, harrowing mountain passes competing with trucks, shot nerves, and engine trouble. Irony? A great vacation until the last push home, back to the Bay Area which I now hate with a passion.

Not getting a wink of sleep last night threw a wrench into my plans, although I did want to spend more time at the Grand Canyon anyway. I checked out by 11:00 as planned, but instead of planning to leave, I decided to leave things to fate. I would try to get a room at a cheaper place for the night, but if they were all booked, I would leave. I got one of the last rooms left at Bright Angel Lodge and that sealed my fate - I was staying another night.

I made a day of it. I rode out along the "Hermit's Road" which is available only by shuttle bus, foot, bike, or special permission. It was an excellent 16 mile roundtrip ride, albeit with frequent stops to take in the view. Hiking it would have also been nice, but I liked the independence and convenience of being on my bike. After I got back, I got a caffeine fix and hiked the Rim Trail that runs along Grand Canyon Village, and then started down the Bright Angel Trail which goes down into the canyon, but the sun was going down and I only went down a little bit.

My evening ended early with a beer, my third drink of this trip, and calling it a night.

10:00 am, Grand Canyon: I didn't get a wink of sleep last night and I can only attribute it to the cup of real coffee I had yesterday after three days of brown water.

Having been up all night, there was no issue about waking up for my ride this morning. I was on the road by 6:00. It turned out to be another riding debacle.

Heading out of Grand Canyon Village, I knew the road to Desert View would be on my left. If I had checked the map before I left, I would have confirmed that the left turn would be almost immediately after Mather's Point. I ended up riding 5 miles before I realized something was wrong when I came to the Park Entrance Station!

Mind you, it was pretty darned cold, dare I say freezing, dare I compare this morn with a witch's teat? Oh yea! Can I get a hell yea? Anyway, at the time I was pissed at having missed the turn off. That shot my ride right then and there. That missed turned just added 10 miles to the ride.

I wondered how I could have missed the turn, how could it not be clearly marked? I was peeved. I rode back at half-pace, found the turn to Desert View and headed up it anyway. I figured I'd go as far as I could until 7:30 and then turn around, but the cold was starting to get to me. I was counting on the rising sun to take care of it. After about five miles, I couldn't move my fingers anymore. I don't even have winter riding clothes. This was getting bad, I turned around to head back and that's when I really started struggling.

My watch read 39 degrees, with the little heat coming off my arm. Several times I stopped to put my hands against the dark trunks of trees that the sun was shining on, but the angle of the sun made it too weak to be of warmth. There was a gust, too, and at one point, I stopped at an overlook and huddled behind a wall against the wind. I stayed there for 20 minutes, huddled up, trying to get warm enough to make a mad dash back. It worked, so it couldn't have been that bad. When I got back on my bike I was able to make it all the way back without another stop.

Huddled in the cold behind that wall, listening to the wind gusting over the trees reminded me of wandering lost in Sabino Canyon. I don't care how miserable it would be to die in the desert. It would be infinitely more preferable to dying on a frozen tundra.

When I made the turn for Grand Canyon Village, I looked back and saw that the left turn for Desert View was very clearly marked.

After-thought: Missing that left turn turned out to be a life saver. If I had made the left turn, I would have been much farther up the road to Desert View when I realized I couldn't go on. I had ridden 15 miles when I realized I couldn't go on. Because of that 10 mile diversion, I was only 5 miles up the road when I had to turn around. I don't want to think what it would have been like if I was 15 miles out. My unconscious mind rulez!

9:40 am: I'm heading out of town, a little sad at leaving Tucson, I don't feel like I've had enough. If Mark hadn't left for Chile, maybe I would have stayed longer. But no final lap, no final taste, no final impression for future reference, just drop some postcards in a mail bin and back onto Rte. 10 North to Flagstaff and Grand Canyon.

2:50 pm, Flagstaff, 6960': Drove straight from Tucson to Flagstaff and stopped in desperate need of coffee and food. I couldn't tell which the lack of was affecting me more. I assumed it was coffee. After three days of sketchy coffee, I treated myself to a Starbucks from inside a Safeway.

6100', Rte. 180 to the Grand Canyon: Rte. 180 is absolutely gorgeous. The road already peaked out at about 8000'. It's so weird being here after the Sonoran desert of Tucson. Just hours and all of a sudden the climate and the landscape are completely different, sort of the way the fauna and vegetation changed climbing Mt. Lemmon. I don't know if this is considered mountain or high plains. I must say that I like being on the road more than exploring any single place, trying to figure out what's where and what to do. Sometimes I think company would be nice, but all in all I'm fine doing this solo.

7:00 pm, Grand Canyon: Ah, money takes care of everything. I waffled a bit on what I should do, but there really wasn't much choice, I needed to stay overnight. But when I found the only lodging left would cost a hundred bucks, I took pause. But then it was what the hell, that wasn't totally outrageous. So I got a room for the night, and oh what a nice room it is. It smells like a new house with that wood, paint smell. The first thing I did was pump up and hop on my bike and ride around Grand Canyon village and back out to Mather's Point, the first viewpoint of the Grand Canyon. We've all seen photos and posters of the Grand Canyon, we all know what it looks like, but there's nothing like that first actual, first-hand look, absorbing the size and scope of the thing.

The plan is to wake up early tomorrow morning and ride the 23 miles to Desert View and back, shower and check out and spend a little more time here before heading out.

7:44 pm: Aside from meeting Mark yesterday, yesterday was a wash with the abandoned ride to Colossal Cave and the anti-climatic drive up Mt. Lemmon. Today was about making up for that. After breakfast with Mark, I drove out to Saguaro National Park East on my way to Colossal Cave. I swear, I can't gush enough about these saguaro cactus. I alternatively want to run up to one of them and give it a big hug, but thinking the better of that plan, I alternatively wonder if anyone would offer me a huge grant to undertake individually naming each and every saguaro cactus in the region. Gotta dream.

I took the tour at Colossal Cave and not much to say about that, it's a touristy thing, very cool, but touristy, and then I went to Sabino Canyon for a hike and got lost because of inaccurate trail markers. Fuckers. Sabino Canyon gets the big shaft from me. It crossed my mind what it would be like to die in the desert of exposure, dehydration, and heat exhaustion. It doesn't sound so bad, but it's probably much worse than I'm thinking it out to be.

After Sabino Canyon, I decided that I had to put my bike wheels on Mt. Lemmon. Mt. Lemmon was the first hint to bring me here, what the hell was I doing in Tucson with my bike if I wasn't going to at least put my wheels on Mt. Lemmon? So from yesterday's drive, I knew which overlook to drive to, and parked at 3730'. I kept my expectations low and was just going to climb as much as possible, and stop if it got distressing. Fortunately, I think I've acclimated to the altitude, and after a thousand feet of climbing, I felt fine, so I continued. After I hit the 2000' mark, I thought I'd might as well go for an even 6000' elevation. It was actually fascinating because it was getting chilly at that point and the vegetation visibly changed from desert to temperate, with conifers and pines.

Once I hit 6000', I headed down fast because it was getting dark and I didn't have any lights on me. I blazed my way down because it was a very untechnical descent with only light turns and little traffic. The only mishap I had was when I felt something wrench while I was going 35 mph, and I had a moment of panic thinking it was my derailleur coming apart. I was relieved that is was just the pump holder that snapped off because something caught it. I tucked the pump into my pocket and continued down. A sheriff stopped me a few hundred feet above where I was parked because it was pretty dark and I didn't have any lights. I explained that I underestimated my climb and that I was parked just a short way down, so he let me go on my way.

It felt great when I finished though! 2300' of climbing is just a scratch of the 5000' climb to the 8000' peak of Mt. Lemmon, but in the Bay Area, that would have gotten me close to climbing the whole of Mt. Tamalpais. It took an hour to climb that 2300'. It took 23 minutes to descend, including getting stopped by that sheriff!

1:45 pm: In my car with Quiet Riot's "Cum On Feel the Noyz" on the radio. Girls rock your boyz. Gimme a break. And people wonder why I hated the 80's.

So I met up with my high school physics teacher, Mark, at his gig last night. His band is called "Altered Echoes" and they're a bit of a folk-rock outfit. Mark played mandolin and guitar and sang on his few songs. There was another guitarist/vocalist who was the main songwriter and mostly wrote in a new-age-y folk vein that occasionally grated. Mark's material was a lot better in my opinion, upbeat and rocking and fun. They were backed by bass, drums, and a female keyboardist/backing vocals.

I hadn't seen Mark in 17 years. He looked pretty much the same, and as we stood there looking at each other, I thought, "holy cow, after 17 years we can't have any idea who it is standing before each other". I mentioned this and he said, "But we know the core of each other from back then". He always countered my cynicism with optimism. In truth, I probably knew more about him since he was an adult already 17 years ago, whereas I was just a troubled teen. Many sedimentary layers have buried that core that he knew, but there wasn't much different about him, just added experience, including getting his doctorate, having two kids, and going through a divorce. Changes life experience brings, not core changes.

So the gig was great and I felt lucky to catch him playing since I had forgotten how much in awe I held his musicianship, very fluid, very natural and organic. After the gig, he handed me his trusty old Martin and told me to play it, and I was hesitant, but I did want to put my hands on it, and it was like magic. I fiddled with it for less than 30 seconds and took it off embarassed, but said, "This guitar just wants to be played". That's what it felt like, I put my fingers on the neck and they just wanted to do things that they don't on my own guitars. It was like the guitar was saying "feed me, Seymour", and helping me along.

He invited me to stay over at his place, but I declined, and walking back to the motel I wondered why after 17 years, I brought myself to look him up, having the opportunity. With the vast majority of people in my past, I wouldn't bother. I would look them up, as I did with Mark, I'd weigh the decision to call, which I did with Mark, seriously consider how easy it would be to just not call, which I did with Mark, and then I wouldn't call, which I didn't do with Mark. He hasn't been a prominent force in my memories over the years, but he was a saving grace in high school, being a mentor of sorts during my junior year. And I do remember him hinting to me how Shiho Nakai felt about me. If I could do things differently . . . but Shiho was a different person in high school than she was ten years later when I did fall for her big time.

He invited me over to his house for breakfast this morning and I got more of a reminder of what he was to me. I met his cat, Laptop, and he was burning me a CD of his featuring his kalimba (African thumb "piano") playing. The mandolin and kalimba are two instruments that he had taken up since I saw him last, and it was like he just transfered what he did on guitar to those instruments. It wasn't about the instruments, learning a new instrument wasn't an impediment. It was the music inside him, and no matter what instrument he picked up, he would find a way for it to speak what was inside him.

He has also taken up building marimbas! The idea being to someday sell them perhaps to schools, which in the Tucson area are having ailing music programs. For him it's a vehicle to get kids into music. The marimbas he's made so far, very good quality mind you, were all in C. He laid two of them out, handed me mallets and told me to play something. I was like, "no way", but he kinda gave me a gimme a break "just play" and he started playing. So what could I do, I joined in and we just jammed for a while on marimbas. Granted, nothing is gonna be completely wrong when you have two instruments tuned to the same key, his mission, after all, is meant for kids, but it still felt magical, and it reminded me of jamming with him on guitar when I was in high school.

Jamming was fun in high school because he is so good, and he listened and fed off anything I did, even if I mistakenly changed keys. I remember I had a black Guild 12-string and he with his Martin. But the reason why anything we did sounded good was because of him.

He's leaving this afternoon for Chile. He's a radio astronomer and they're building a millimeter array in Chile, and I guess he's part of the advisory team to set it up. Ironically, this is the same array that he was working on for Japan in 1992 when I almost met up with him there with Shiho, but that ended up in a debacle and we never met.

He was a de facto mentor. If I had been less of a spoiled upper middle class white surburbia kid, I could have accepted him more as a mentor. If we had been closer in age, we could have been friends, but I had a problem with anyone in a position of "authority", he broke that barrier as much as any adult could. But something still slipped in through all my defenses I suppose, and that's why I ultimately called him. I was blessed having met him 17 years ago. It doesn't change a thing in the here and now, but everyone should have someone like him in their lives.

3:00 pm: In my car again with "In the Dark" by Billy Squier on the radio. I've heard more Billy Squier since I've been here than I have in the past 10 years!

Mark (high school physics teacher) called this morning. Coincidentally, he has a gig tonight and he gave me the particulars, so I'll meet him at "Hazy Daze" tonight. I got a late start to the morning and eventually my plan for today fell through. I was planning to ride out to Colossal Cave, which is 17 miles southeast of Tucson down Old Spanish Trail Road. A 34-mile round-trip ride with a big break in the middle was eminently doable, but it turned out to get to Old Spanish Trail Road was 10 miles! That thing I was saying about distances being deceptive in Tucson. Once I got to Old Spanish Trail Road and did the math, it would be a total of 54 miles, which I was not prepared for. I half-heartedly headed down Old Spanish Trail Road to see how I felt, but after only five miles, the heat and the altitude were hampering my efforts and I wisely abandoned the ride. I hated abandoning, I hate giving up, but it was wise. There was very little shade and if my bike had a mechanical, I would have been screwed left, right, bent over, and upside down. Even changing a flat would have been hard. I was more than 2000' higher than what I'm used to riding in, and 20-30 degrees hotter.

The revised plan for the afternoon is drive up Mt. Lemmon, which was the first sign that brought me here in the first place. After today's abandoned ride, though, which was pretty flat, there is no way I'm going to try riding up any of Mt. Lemmon.

evening-ish: Found myself a cheap motel not far from the hip and happenin' 4th Ave. area and the University of Arizona. I couldn't resist my curiosity and looked up my high school physics teacher in the phone book, and bingo, there he was. I called and left a message on his machine, and then went out to explore some more.

I drove up to Sentinel Peak, which I had read about on virtualtourist.com, to get a panoramic view of Tucson. It was sinking in how cacti are pretty much universal in Tucson. As long as I was on the western side of Tucson, I also decided to check out Gates Pass Road where a cyclist was killed several months ago during a race. Despite my impression that Tucson proper could be more bike-friendly, Tucson is a cycling mecca with plenty of places for hobbyists, amateurs and pros to ride or train. I looked to see if the memorial was still there, but I didn't see it.

Gates Pass Road turned out to be a serious climb for cyclists, and in my car I found myself going up it, and then down the other side. The sun was going down by then and I found myself amidst a "forest" of saguaro cactus! Cactuses are the most incredible things, they fascinated me at first sight, but then to be surrounded by them while the sun set was truly awe-inspiring. They have such personality and elegance and grace. Even trees and plants bend and sway in the wind, but saguaro cactus are living beings that are as inanimate as stone. They're like monks. Maybe that's the attraction.

I don't know if that was Saguaro Nat'l Park West, it may have been. It was beautiful and peaceful, and I pulled off into a parking area, and the silence was profound, save for the occasional car passing by. The sunset wasn't spectacular as it was slightly hazy, but I stayed and chilled with the warm, relaxed desert vibe until it was almost dark. If I stayed longer, I'm sure the star-gazing would have been spectacular as well. Tucson is also cited as a fave city for star-gazing. Why I don't live here, I don't know.

When I got back to the motel, the phone indicated I had a message, but I couldn't figure out how it worked. Figuring it was my physics teacher, I tried calling again, but again left a message, this time specifying the number and room number. Then I went on foot to 4th Avenue. It certainly wasn't a bustling nightspot, but I liked the mellow college feel. Mellow? Isn't the University of Arizona one of the top party schools?!!

I'm confused. Arizona is not supposed to be using Daylight Savings Time, but the clock at the Burger King (yuck, terrible way to break a fast) had the same time as my watch, and I didn't change it since crossing into Arizona. Need to figure that out. Either way, I'm starting to recognize street names from my research on Tucson, so I think I'm pretty much here!

Tucson city limits: 11:55am, mile 843, 12 hours 43 minutes of drive time. Turned on Tucson radio to hear what the airwaves sound like and I think I heard a new Blur song. I recognize Speedway Blvd., one of the main east-west thoroughfares, and I get off Rte. 10 at the Congress Avenue exit and start my exploration from downtown Tucson. I roll down the window and turn off the AC, which I had to turn on around Phoenix because it was getting way too hot. I've learned to hate artificially cooled air living in San Francisco which, as far as I'm concerned, never needs it. The air and the temperature in Tucson is hella nice! I almost gasped. It's really nice! Tucson Museum of Art, Convention Center, Chicago Music Store on 6th St. and Congress.

Tucson is much more spread out and sprawled than I imagined it. On the map, 3 miles is 3 miles is 3 miles. In practice, driving 3 miles in Tucson feels a lot longer than 3 miles. Go fig. The roads are flat and straight. I had plotted out a section of Tucson to check out first, but it turns out it's huge. Or at least it feels huge. May need to change my tack to improve the efficiency in scoping out the city. Tucson is a very low city. There are a few taller buildings downtown, but the rest of the city is low to the ground, palm tree height, nothing over two stories high.

Someone's comments on virtualtourist.com mentioned that Tucsonians are notorious red-light runners. I feel that I am now in a position to verify this. One example is that I was approaching a light that was turning yellow and I slowed down to stop. In the next lane over, two cars blow right through the yellow light . . . and then the car behind it blows through a clearly red light. And right there are two motorcycle cops who don't even glance twice about it. Well awright.

3:00pm: Parked the car and got on my bike to check out the University of Arizona area and the section directly east of it. The houses are very nice and quaint, I wonder if this is the proverbial "good" part of town. No grass lawns, either, no surprise. The lawns are manicured stone and cactus garden arrangements! Fascinating. Further east, in the section I was targeting to live in, you can tell it's not as nice. Instead of manicured stone and cactus, "lawns" are just dirt and stone with cactus and weeds growing willy-nilly. There's not a lot of shade in this town. I was lucky to find a tree under which to park my car, but I gather that's prime real estate for parking cars. Trees are short and sparse and building are short and don't provide shade.

1:30 am: I just drove and drove and drove. 7 1/2 hours later, at 1300', found me approaching Joshua Tree on Rte. 10, officially desert. The intent was to drive all night through California. I've done it before and there's not much to see. The plan is to get about one hour into Arizona, snag a bit of sleep, and then travel the rest of the way to Tucson, about 3 hours, in daylight hours. Arizona I want to see.

2:10 am: First sign for Phoenix, 4 hours away; 2 more hours of California. These are my normal waking hours, so I can cruise all night, but I don't want to arrive in Tucson immediately needing to sleep, so a nap at some point is called for.

2:43 am: Cactus City Rest Area past Joshua Tree. Joshua Tree is the farthest I'd gone on Rte. 10, so this is all new territory for me, climbing up to the Chiriaca Summit. It's about 70 degrees at night and the sky is clear with the Milky Way spilling across the night sky. It's such a shame, there's a reason the Greeks called it the Milky Way, whatever that is in ancient Greek. Stars so densely packed that it formed a pathway across the sky. Now in no urban area can you really see the Milky Way, you have to go way out from the lights to see and appreciate it, and it is just breathtaking.

The modern night sky is two-dimensional, just points of light on a dark background. When you go out into the country, the night sky is three-dimensional, the stars so many deep, you really get a sense of depth.

3:26 am, 1300', Desert Center: a car with Arizona plates flies by me and is now gone.

4:10 am, 500', Blythe, CA: first sign for Tucson, still more than 260 miles away.

4:45 am, 1490': just saw a shooting star, didn't make a wish. Making one last push to a rest area to take a nap. It will be perfectly about 3 hours away from Tucson.

7:30 am: after what may fairly be described as two hours of napping, after more than 10 hours of driving, I poked my head out to look at the Arizona desert. Lovely. Grand. And to my amazement, I'm treated to my first glimpse of the rare "Arizona Rest Area Sand Circles"!

Ghost finally traveling! Growing up. Looking for a place to live. I finally left at 5:50pm, just in time for rush hour! Who knows why it was so hard to finally motivate myself to pack the car and shove off. It would have been so easy to just stay and roll through my day by day, but that all faded away as I cruised down I-5 at a comfortable 72 mph with the sun setting behind me, bathing the landscape golden, and a huge smile on my face. There's nothing like an open road to get a sense of freedom, of getting the hell away.

----- Original Message -----
From: Koji Li
To: Sadie
Sent: Tuesday, April 08, 2003 4:11 AM
Subject: Re: new song. you're gone

oy Sadie,
I'm still getting my shit together to head out for Tucson. you wouldn't believe the schedule I've concocted for my departure and arrival. oh wait, maybe you would. I've downloaded the song and hope to give it a spin before shutting down and heading out.

I think I'm alright with time at this point. Still need to put finishing touches on my taxes, still doing non-travel related wrapping up things. Trying to stay up as late/early as possible to hit my "target" departure time (which is actually not very specific). I've been researching Tucson a lot, and I don't know what to say. It sounds great, perfect, somewhere I'd love to live. If I move, I'd move to Tucson, I just have to figure out that "if". The "if" would need a point, if you know what I mean. I certainly don't intend to stay in the Bay Area for another winter fer sure.

I may be in for a rude awakening though, arriving there and being totally turned off and leaving right away. The websites I've been looking at, virtualtourist.com among others, have been incredibly helpful. I know where I want to check out, where I might live, what sites I want to hit (Arizona-Sonora Museum, Colossal Cave, Sabino Canyon, and maybe climb a little of Mt. Lemmon, certainly not summit it, either in car or bike), and the happening "4th St." area which sounds like it might be like Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley.

I'm bringing three cameras, preparing to shoot in both color and b&w, bringing my Baby Taylor (I thought for a roadtrip I'd bring my Takamine, but no! the Baby Taylor is perfect), and my bike. Got sunblock, light clothes, sweatshirt for cool nights, lotion, water bottles, bandanas, and hats. Sneakers, Birks, and cycling shoes since I don't know how to put the standard pedals back on my "A" bike I'm bringing.

I might be back as early as Saturday night/Sunday morning if I don't extend this trip. I might stay some extra days in Tucson if I absolutely can't get enough of it and then head straight home. The plan as is, is to leave Tucson on Saturday morning, either to come home or head to the Grand Canyon. If I head north to the Grand Canyon, there is no itinerary after getting there. I hope to ride a bit from Grand Canyon Village to Desert View, but after that, it's pretty haphazard. I'll just be driving around, seeing how far I get at a stretch, looking for places to stay when I get too tired and need to stop. The general road idea is to head into Utah and drive through Grand Staircase-Escalante Nat'l Mon., Bryce Canyon, and Zion Nat'l Park, not really stopping anywhere, just getting a feel for the areas maybe to return for real at some other time. Then drive up the eastern side of the Sierras, make a pilgrimage to Manzanar National Monument, past Mono Lake, and then beeline back to the Bay Area on the first road north of Yosemite (Rte. 120, I think). The weather forecasts in those areas, though, don't look promising, so I might just huff it home.

so I'll email or AIM you once I'm back. I didn't have enough money to get you and Bob Versus tix today, but I doubt they'll sell out, and I'm also trying to get on the press list and a plus one for Delphine, in which case two of the tickets I have are for you and Bob.

cheers,
k

----- Original Message -----
From: Sadie
To: kojili@.net
Sent: Tuesday, April 08, 2003 12:55 AM
Subject: new song. you're gone


though so you prolly won't hear it anytime soon. but if you get a chance it's at

www.alphagrub.com/muzik/could_you_ever.mp3

hope you have a great trip!

sadie

Aaaaah, Daylight Savings Time. I live again. Too bad it was friggin' wind chilly today!! Bastards. I abandoned a ride up to Muir Woods because of the chill and went on a run instead and did my taxes. Tonight I went with Delphine to photograph Black Heart Procession for her review for Bay Area Buzz, but she ended up also bringing this guy Jeremy who went on one date with Kateri, got on Sadie's band's mailing list and showed up, and then met Delphine again at a different show several weeks ago, and it was all unexpected and I didn't know what was going on with them, so I decided it was best to give them space and ditched them. This group of people I've been hanging out with for the past year, it may be time to "discard my friends to change the scenery". Actually, no, what am I saying? They're fine, perfect as they are, it's a 30-somethings scene, little to no emotional investment. They're A-OK.

Oh crap, I just remembered Kateri emailed me a month ago asking for a favor, but it got lost in the shuffle and I never responded. Do I respond a month late asking if it's too late, or do I let her think I dissed her and let it go? Entropy: it's a lifestyle.

?!!!???!?!
Arizona doesn't recognize Daylight Savings Time?!!!

OK, wait, breathe, don't summarily discount Tucson, their reasons are actually pretty good. With summer daytime temps reportedly well into the hundreds, it makes sense to want evenings to cool off as soon as possible. We can sacrifice the expansive summer nights I had been anticipating for the hot desert climes. We need to leave the Bay Area, right? So I'm still looking at heading out Tuesday, thinking of making my drive out in one long 14 hour haul. What else do I need to take into consideration? Do taxes before leaving. I'm anticipating being in Tucson until April 12, then decide if I want to head straight home or north to Alaska the Grand Canyon. This is not going to be a well-planned trip. But who knows? Maybe if I can hack it, I'll just wander a while before needing to be back here by April 20.

I met up with Sadie, Bob, Han, and Ikuko at Esperento's tonight for tapas. The suggestion came up that when I move out of town for good, I'd do it without telling anyone. That's the kind of friend/acquaintance I am. We were joking, of course, but it would be an appropriate way for me to leave. Note to self: avoid hanging out with a bunch of friggin' couples.

Daylight Savings Time is so close I can taste it, the happiest day of the year for me. It will also befit my sleeping hours. I've been trying to get to sleep by 4a.m., but I've let go recently and now I don't get to sleep until 5 or 5:30, waking up between noon and 1:00, or 13:00 since we're at war. Spring doesn't officially kick in for me until Daylight Savings does. In fact, I move that we move Daylight Savings several weeks early to correspond with bon Printemps.

Reclusive lifestyle, I broke a new record last night going one week and a day without seeing a soul I know. I can do better than that. It was Beale St. last night, connecting with Cass, Lisa, Tristen, Dorrie, Mike, and TK. Afterwards I was supposed to meet Delphine at Bottom of the Hill for the Mark Gardiner (formerly of Ride) show, but then I realized that I don't know Mark Gardiner and I'd never heard of Ride. So why was I going to pay $12 to see him? To hang out with Delphine. Hey, I'm unemployed, there are cheaper ways to hang out with Delphine. I think Delphine was disappointed that I didn't show. That's my MO these days, to disappoint everyone I know. Keep standards low. I'm trying to buck my impulse to please people and not rock any boats, so I don't mind disappointing Delphine. Nothing personal, it's the principle.

My latest Netflix DVD rental is "Classic Albums: Phil Collins - Face Value". I'm not a Phil Collins solo fan by any stretch of the imagination, but Phil Collins, in his work with Genesis, is my fave drummer of all time. This DVD is really interesting in its retrospective look at the creation of this album, which is actually half decent; I'm a whore for behind the scenes, making-of material. The creative process fascinates me, as I have not been able to engage my own.

It's April and winter weather strikes San Francisco. I was freezing my patootie off riding home from Hemlock Tavern last night. If I had known this arctic blast was coming in I wouldn't have ventured out, deciding at the last minute to catch "Hang On the Box", a punk band from Beijing. I can't tell you how much I've had it with S.F. winters. Of course, it's all relative. I heard it just snowed in New Jersey. It was 50-something degrees riding home, but the chill cut through my denim jacket and teared my eyes up. It's April, it's California, it's depressing. Hey, I'm unemployed, maybe I should start Daylight Savings early. Let the rest of the country catch up to me (and keep me waiting an hour for everything in the meantime, buttmunches).

I'm craving Diet Pepsi.

Versus is doing a short West Coast tour!! They're playing Seattle on Amina's birthday, then Portland (go, Tiff!), and I'll be back from Tucson no later than April 20.